by Philip Ruddy, LMFT, Los Angeles Depth Psychotherapist

The recent devastation caused by wildfires in Los Angeles has left many families reeling from loss and uncertainty. For children, losing their home can be an especially traumatic experience. It’s not just the physical loss of their belongings but also the disruption to their sense of safety and stability. As parents, caregivers, and therapists, we can take steps to help children navigate this difficult time with compassion, creativity, and evidence-based strategies. Below, I share some ways to support children who have recently experienced the loss of their home, drawing from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Depth Psychology principles.

1. Encourage Self-Care and Coping Skills

It’s vital for parents and caregivers to prioritize their own self-regulation first, as children often look to the adults around them to model healthy coping. Taking a few moments to practice deep breathing, mindfulness, simple stretching, or muscle relaxation, can help parents approach their children with calm and clarity, creating a sense of safety. Remember, when you are grounded, you can better support your child’s emotional needs.

For younger children, you can turn coping strategies into a game, such as pretending to blow up a balloon to practice deep breathing. Modeling these behaviors not only helps you but also provides children with a tangible example of how to handle big emotions in a healthy way.

2. Create a Safe Emotional Space

It’s essential to acknowledge the gravity of the situation and provide a safe space for children to process their emotions. Let them know it’s okay to feel scared, sad, or angry. Use gentle, open-ended questions such as, “What feels hardest for you right now?” or “What do you miss the most?” Validate their feelings and remind them that these emotions are a normal response to what they’ve experienced.

Depth psychology emphasizes the importance of honoring emotions and exploring their symbolic meaning. Encourage children to express their feelings creatively through drawing, storytelling, or play. For instance, they might draw a picture of their home or tell a story about their favorite memories. This can help them externalize their grief and begin to make sense of their experience.

3. Help Them Identify and Reframe Negative Thoughts

Children who have experienced a disaster may develop unhelpful beliefs, such as “This is all my fault” or “We’ll never be safe again.” Using CBT techniques, gently help them identify these thoughts and challenge their accuracy. For example, if a child expresses guilt, you might say, “I hear that you feel responsible, but it’s important to remember that the fire wasn’t anyone’s fault. Fires happen because of weather, accidents, or other reasons we can’t control.”

Once these thoughts are acknowledged, work together to reframe them in a more balanced way. For example, “Even though things are hard right now, we are working together to keep each other safe, and we will find a new home where we can make new memories.”

4. Foster a Sense of Control

The loss of a home can make children feel powerless. Restoring even small amounts of control can help them feel more grounded. Involve children in age-appropriate decisions about their new routines, such as choosing their sleeping arrangement or helping to pack items if the family is relocating. You can also help them create a “comfort kit” with a favorite toy, blanket, or drawing to carry with them.

Additionally, using CBT tools like creating a “Circle of Control” exercise can be helpful. Draw a circle and write inside it the things they can control (e.g., how they spend their time, how they ask for help) and outside it the things they cannot (e.g., the fire, the loss of their home). This visual reminder can reduce feelings of overwhelm.

5. Build Rituals for Healing

Depth psychology highlights the importance of rituals to help process and integrate traumatic experiences. Together with the child, create a simple ritual to honor what was lost and welcome new beginnings. This might include framing a photo in memory of their home, choosing a small house plant to nurture as a symbol of resilience, or creating a scrapbook of memories.

Rituals provide a way to mark transitions and help children find meaning in difficult times. They also remind them that it’s possible to move forward while still holding onto cherished memories.

6. Strengthen Connections

Social support is crucial for recovery. Help children stay connected with friends, family, or teachers who can provide stability and reassurance. Encourage them to talk to trusted adults about their feelings or to participate in group activities that bring joy and normalcy.

As a family, consider establishing new traditions to strengthen your bond. For instance, a weekly game night or a family walk can create opportunities for connection and shared positivity.

Local Resources for Southern California Families

Below is a list of emergency services and resources for families affected by wildfires in Los Angeles and Southern California:

American Red Cross Los Angeles Region
Website: redcross.org/la
Phone: 1-800-RED-CROSS (733-2767)
Offers shelter, emergency supplies, and disaster relief services.
California Department of Social Services (CDSS)
Website: cdss.ca.gov
Provides disaster assistance for individuals and families, including housing support.
211 LA County
Website: 211la.org
Phone: Dial 2-1-1
Offers referrals for food, shelter, counseling, and other essential services.
Los Angeles County Office of Emergency Management (OEM)
Website: lacounty.gov/emergency
Provides updates on wildfire response efforts and recovery resources.
California HOPE Crisis Counseling Program
Website: calhope.org
Phone: 1-833-317-HOPE (4673)
Free crisis counseling and support for individuals impacted by disasters.
FEMA Disaster Assistance
Website: disasterassistance.gov
Phone: 1-800-621-FEMA (3362)
Offers financial and housing assistance for families recovering from disasters.

By combining compassion, evidence-based strategies, and community resources, we can help children and families affected by wildfire loss begin to heal and rebuild. Remember, recovery is a journey, and every small step counts

• Philip Ruddy, LMFT #107495, Los Angeles Depth Psychotherapist (424) 354-3910 tel •