The Art of Boundaries: Nurturing Relationships During the Holiday Season

by Philip Ruddy, LMFT, Depth Psychotherapist

The holiday season often invites us into the warm glow of family gatherings, shared meals, and cherished traditions. Yet, for many, this time of year can also be fraught with stress, emotional overload, and a sense of obligation that pulls us in a dozen directions at once. How can we honor our connections with family while maintaining a sense of self and protecting our emotional well-being? The answer lies in cultivating healthy boundaries.

Boundaries, though often misunderstood, are not about creating distance or building walls. Rather, they are about fostering clarity and mutual respect in relationships. In her book Set Boundaries, Find Peace, therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab writes: “Healthy boundaries are the foundation of healthy relationships. Without them, resentment grows, communication breaks down, and the holiday joy we seek can feel painfully out of reach.” Boundaries, then, are not a rejection of family but an invitation to connect in a way that honors everyone’s needs, including your own.

Carl Jung, the renowned psychologist, spoke often about the importance of individuation—the process of becoming whole and distinct as an individual. Jung believed that healthy relationships require us to stand firmly in our own identity while maintaining a respectful connection with others. Setting boundaries is an integral part of this process, as it allows us to honor our inner selves while engaging meaningfully with loved ones. Without such boundaries, we risk losing ourselves in the expectations or demands of others, which can leave us feeling drained or resentful.

The first step in setting boundaries is self-reflection. What are your emotional, physical, and mental limits? What situations or conversations drain your energy or leave you feeling overwhelmed? The holidays often bring up complex family dynamics, unresolved tensions, or differing expectations. Being clear about your own limits allows you to navigate these interactions with greater ease.

Consider, for instance, the perennial question of how to divide your time. Perhaps your parents expect you to spend the entire day at their house, but you also want to create space for your immediate family or some much-needed solitude. A clear, kind response might sound like: “We’re looking forward to spending time with you on Thanksgiving, but we’ll be leaving after dinner to have some quiet time at home.” While such conversations can feel awkward at first, they pave the way for more honest, authentic relationships.

Similarly, emotional boundaries are essential when dealing with family members who may push sensitive topics or overstep personal lines. Aunt Sue’s questions about your love life or Uncle Mike’s unsolicited political rants don’t have to derail your inner peace. You might gently redirect the conversation, saying, “I’d rather not discuss that right now, but I’d love to hear about your new project instead.” Remember, it’s not your responsibility to manage other people’s emotions—your role is to communicate your needs with kindness and firmness.

For some, however, maintaining safe and healthy boundaries may mean making the difficult but necessary decision to go “no contact” with certain family members. While this choice is deeply personal and not made lightly, it can be a vital step in protecting one’s mental and emotional health. If this resonates for you, know that your decision is valid and worthy of support. Creating distance—whether temporary or permanent—can be an act of profound self-care and a path toward healing.

Creating boundaries is not just an act of self-preservation; it’s also a gift to others. By being clear about what you can and cannot offer, you allow your family to engage with the real you, not an exhausted or resentful version of yourself. This transparency fosters trust and deepens connections over time.

The imagery of boundaries as a garden wall can be particularly helpful. A well-maintained wall defines the space you need to flourish, while its gate allows for intentional, meaningful connection. The wall isn’t impenetrable, nor is it absent—it exists to nurture and protect.

And as with all gardens, tending to boundaries requires care, patience, and sometimes adjustment. The holidays, in particular, are a time when our boundaries may be tested. But rather than seeing these challenges as failures, we can view them as opportunities to refine our practice.

As you gather around the Thanksgiving table or exchange gifts in the glow of twinkling lights, remember this: setting boundaries is not a rejection of love, but an affirmation of it. It’s a way of saying, “I care about us enough to be honest about what I need.” And in the sacred space created by those boundaries, both you and your relationships can truly thrive.

Special Notice: If navigating family dynamics over the holidays feels particularly overwhelming, consider seeking the support of a therapist or counselor. They can help you clarify your needs, practice boundary-setting strategies, and explore any deeper emotions that may arise.

Resources:
Tawwab, Nedra Glover. Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. TarcherPerigee, 2021.

Cloud, Henry, and John Townsend. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Zondervan, 1992.

Jung, Carl. The Essential Jung: Selected Writings. Princeton University Press, 1983.

• Philip Ruddy, LMFT #107495, Depth Psychotherapist  (424) 354-3910 tel • 

The Gifts of Depression?

by Philip Ruddy, LMFT, Depth Psychotherapist

In Thomas Moore’s classic book, Care of the Soul, he devotes a chapter to the “Gifts of Depression.” If, as you read these words, you are grappling with depression yourself, your initial reaction might be skepticism. Or outrage. Or simply dismissal: “He’s wrong. There are no gifts in my depression. It’s robbed me of my life, stolen my joy, driven away people that I love, and blocked me from pursuing my goals.” And if you felt this way, you would certainly not be alone. According to the World Health Organization, over 300 million people suffer from depression globally, including 16.2 million in the United States, which equates to 6.7% of all adults. So what is Moore suggesting exactly? How might depression be a gift?

Moore discusses how in ancient times, melancholy was associated with the Roman God, Saturn, who represented the gifts of wisdom, age, experience, and self-reflection. Moore further describes how Saturn is also known as “the reaper, god of the harvest, patron of end-time.” For such reasons, those of us in the grips of depression may find ourselves wrestling at times with thoughts of our past, our mortality, and even Hamlet’s primal lament, “To be or not to be. That is the question.” Moore writes, “When we speak clinically of depression, we think of an emotional or behavioral condition, but when we imagine depression as a visitation by Saturn, then many qualities of his world come into view: the need for isolation, the coagulation of fantasy, the distilling of memory, and accommodation with death, to name only a few.” (p.146).

If we do not shrink from it, a saturnine encounter can also provide us with a rich opportunity to connect with our own inner creativity on a deeper level. Consider the image of depression as a hole, a tunnel, a cave, or a well. If we peer long enough into this darkness, and do our own work, we will eventually find a light in that darkness - a pathway out, but we must first gather our courage to explore it.

Rather than looking to banish or dispel Saturn from our consciousness, Moore invites us to actively imagine making space for Saturn in our lives - to encourage quiet reflection, stillness, and silence. If you’re thinking, “Ah - is there an app for that? Well, there probably is. But I would encourage you instead to put away your phone. To turn off music, television, computers, tablets, games and other rituals of distraction, and dive within yourself, instead. Observe what happens. What imagery, colors, words — what feelings of creative expression begin to emerge? It may help to use a tool — an enticement for the muse. Pick up a pencil, pen, paintbrush, crayon, paper or clay. Do so with intention, but without direction. Now allow whatever seeks to emerge, to come forth. In time, Saturn himself may speak - sometimes in words - but more often in the primal, universal form of imagery or symbol. Do not edit, but let him speak to you — and through you. Notice what happens, and with practice, how easily. It is through this communion - this engagement of body, heart and mind — that our soul’s intention may truly be heard, and the real healing can begin.

Special Notice: If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide or self-harm, please contact 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 in order to speak with a trained crisis worker. The lifeline is free, confidential and available 24/7 nationwide. The crisis worker will listen to you, understand how your problem is affecting you, provide support, and get you the help you need.

Resources:

Moore, Thomas. Care of the Soul: A guide for Cultivating Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life. Harper Collins, 1992.

Philip Ruddy, MFT is a California licensed psychotherapist with offices in Burbank and Montrose. He specializes in helping creative professionals (filmmakers, comedians, writers, performers) navigate anxiety, depression, and the emotional roller-coaster ride that is the entertainment industry, and learn new tools to positively impact their quality of life, relationships and career. Call (424) 354-3910 to schedule a free 20 minute phone consultation to discuss your personal goals today.  

• Philip Ruddy, LMFT #107495, Depth Psychotherapist  (424) 354-3910 tel • 

Can Stand-Ups Really Earn up to $2,500 week on the L.A. Comedy Circuit? (And how do you feel about that?)

by Philip Ruddy, LMFT, Depth Psychotherapist

The Hollywood Reporter recently published a story suggesting L.A. stand-up comics can earn up to $2,500 weekly, * on the local comedy circuit.  The "Netflix Effect" they called it.  The "new comedy gold rush."  

"That’s funny, " thought a lot of L.A. comics.  "I don’t get paid nearly that much.  Is it just me?  Is the rest of my tribe getting rich, while I’m grateful to score a couple of drink coupons, or some gas money, if I’m lucky?" 

Online magazine Vulture decided to dig deeper.  The truth? The vast majority of hardworking L.A. stand-ups make nowhere near that amount.  Click HERE to see the reality for most Los Angeles comics.

By now, we're all aware of the negative effects of social media, including FOMO, fear of missing out.  In celebrating the few who are earning thousands, the Hollywood Reporter article made it feel like a norm, and if you weren't earning that much, you were clearly missing out on that "comedy gold rush." This misperception, or cognitive distortion, is rampant in our culture, and amplified here in Hollywood.  And it can easily lead to feelings of stress, anxiety, or even depression.  

The life of a stand-up comedian or comedy writer can be creatively rewarding, and at times, financially rewarding too, but when feelings of anxiety or depression arise, I invite you to re-ground yourself in the principles that first motivated you to write a joke, create a sketch, film a short, or climb upon that stage, boldly grab the microphone, and speak your own, unique truth to a room full of strangers.  

This career choice is not easy.  Most people can't do this.  Don't do this.  So why do it?  Why does any creative calling beckon?  It starts as a voice, from somewhere deep inside: "I  have something to say.  Something to share.  And I simply will not wait any longer to share it."   When we re-connect with that initial voice,  despite all the challenges, despite all the setbacks, the rewards do outweigh the risk.  That is the true inner gold. 

No matter what your personal career or creative goals may be, learning tools to enhance self-care and manage stress, anxiety, or depression  through the roller coaster ride that is entertainment, can make a critical difference.  

As a therapist with over 15 years of industry experience, I have helped many comedians, writers, performers and creative professionals embrace these tools, transcend self-limiting beliefs, and bring about positive change in their life, relationships and career.  

Call  (424) 354-3910 today for a free 20-minute consultation and take the next step on your personal and professional creative journey.  I look forward to working with you. 

( * Update:  After the publication of the Vulture story, and vocal feedback from Los Angeles comics, the Hollywood Reporter has re-edited their original story to clarify that this figure refers to weekly revenues for established, top-tier comedians engaged on national tours - NOT for new comics on the local L.A. circuit, as their article originally suggested. Kudos to Vulture, and the many comics who made their voices known, to bring about this correction.) 

• Philip Ruddy, LMFT #107495, Depth Psychotherapist  (424) 354-3910 tel • 

Comedy as Self-Medication? Comedy as Therapy?

by Philip Ruddy, LMFT, Depth Psychotherapist

CNN recently explored the link between comedy, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues for their upcoming 8-part documentary series, The History of Comedy, which begins airing July 15th.

The accompanying article below is packed with fascinating highlights gleaned from their findings, as well as psychological research studies on comedic performers, noting how they differ from other creative types. 

For example, did you know that comedians commonly appear to have "two competing personality traits:  introverted anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure) and extroverted impulsiveness. Although they are similar to actors, who remain extroverted, open and interested in understanding the world around them, comedians have introverted traits that make them asocial and a little emotionally flat. Some also suffer from clinical depression."  

According to another theory, performing comedy may be an attempt to self-medicate some of these psychological issues.  (No surprise here for the many performers who routinely joke that the only thing worse than doing stand-up for their mental health, is NOT doing stand-up.")  Click HERE to read the entire article, and see if you can relate.

The life of a stand-up comedian or comedy writer can be highly rewarding -- and extremely challenging.  Learning tools to enhance self-care and manage stress, anxiety, or depression, can make a critical difference.  

Call me at (424) 354-3910  to schedule a free 20 minute phone consultation and learn how I have helped many comedians, writers, performers and other creative professionals embrace these tools, transcend self-limiting beliefs, and bring about positive change in their life, relationships and career.  I look forward to working with you. 

• Philip Ruddy, LMFT #107495, Depth Psychotherapist  (424) 354-3910 tel • 

Part 3: What do Scientists Say? (Neurobiology of Creative Blocks)

by Philip Ruddy, MA, Associate Marriage and Family Therapist

Below is Part 3 of my series of blog postings exploring research and  opinions on the roots and causes of creative blocks. Because each case is unique, working with a professional therapist with experience in these areas, may help you more quickly explore, comprehend, and with time, better manage or even transcend your own blocks.

Could there be a biological cause for creative blocks? Some scientists and psychologists think so. In The Midnight Disease: The Drive to Write, Writer's Block, and the Creative Brain, author and neurologist Alice Weaver Flaherty (2004) theorizes that the source of writing and creativity lies within the cerebral cortex, and that writer’s block may be caused by a shift toward the fight-or-flight responses of the limbic system. She also noted that creativity appears to take place via an interaction between the frontal lobes, where imagination takes place, and the temporal lobes, where editing and evaluation occur. In her opinion,  successful creative output appears to be correlated more with drive than skill, and that depression and anxiety appear to decrease creativity.  

In a 2004 article, Joan Acocella, dance and book critic for The New Yorker, described a variety of prescription-based medications which have been prescribed by doctors to treat writer’s block, ranging from antidepressants like Prozac, to stimulants such as Ritalin. This follows the hypothesis that such blocks  may be linked to attention deficit disorder.  Any course of medical treatment should only be taken after reviewing risks and benefits with a medical doctor, however.

Although it is a common belief that the left hemisphere of the brain governs logic and reason, and the right hemisphere is the home of creativity, according to Scott Barry Kaufman (2013), a psychologist and science writer who studies intelligence and creativity, some neurobiologists have found that the entire brain is at work during the creative process. Kaufman identified the three major networks involved as the executive attention network, the imagination network, and the salience network, which operate together or individually, depending upon the creative task at hand. Neuropsychologist Rex Jung suggest that when one wishes to mute the inner critic and engage in free thinking or imagination, the executive attention network must be quieted and activation of the imagination and salience network increased. Studies on jazz musicians and rappers engaging in creative improvisation support this.  Flow isn't just an acquired skill, it's quite literally a state of mind. (Kaufman, 2013). 

Psychologist Mihaly Csíkszentmihályi (2008), author of Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, spent years researching the states that artists, musicians, athletes, and others enter when they are optimally immersed in their craft. He assigned a number of qualities to the state of being in flow, including intense and focused concentration, a merging of action and awareness, the loss of a sense of self, feelings of control, a sense of time being altered, and an experience of the activity in which one is engaged as being satisfying and rewarding. In his successful follow-up, Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention, Csíkszentmihályi (2009) also offered a number of suggestions for increasing one’s personal creativity, which include cultivating curiosity, surprise, and openness; making time for reflection; pursuing joy; and embracing complexity, change, and innovation.

Wishing you courage and creativity!

Philip Ruddy, MA, Associate Marriage and Family Therapist

Philip Ruddy, MA, LMFT #10475 helps creative artists, writers, producers, directors, punks, comics, rockers and film / music professionals explore, manage and often transcend anxiety, depression, career / creative blocks, midlife transitions and relationship issues.  Call  (424) 354-3910 today for a free 20-minute consultation, and take the next step on your personal creative journey. 

Part 2: What Do Writers & Artists Say? (Battling Creative Blocks)

by Philip Ruddy, MA, Associate Marriage and Family Therapist

In my previous post, I offered a little background into the history of the term writer's block, as well as a small sample of some of the most famous writers and artists who struggled greatly with blocks - often, for years.  In this post, I will explore some treatments recommended by other writers, artists and psychological practitioners. 

So now you may ask, "What are the most effective treatments?"  The answer depends upon whom you ask. Journalist John Walsh (2008) flatly asserted, "Numerous therapies are recommended for block-sufferers: keep a notebook, write as though sending a letter to a friend, go to the gym, eat apples in the bath (Agatha Christie's recommendation for kick-starting the imagination) and start writing in the middle of your story. None has been proved to work. (para. 8) 

Existential psychologist Rollo May (1975), who authored the groundbreaking book, The Courage to Create, expressed greater empathy and hope for writers and artists, however. May maintained that committing a creative act is akin to defying death and that just as much courage is required to engage in the irrational, intuitive Dionysian world of the unconscious, as with the Apollonian landscape of structure and logic.

Writers Cameron (2002), Natalie Goldberg (1986, 1990), Anne Lamott (1995), Dennis Palumbo (2000), Keyes (2003), Jane Anne Staw (2003), and Alice Flaherty (2004) concurred, viewing writer’s block as a natural, even inevitable, part of the creative process and offering a number of potential remedies. "

Cameron (2002), in The Artist’s Way, her handbook for creative recovery, which has sold in the millions of copies, described the origins of her techniques as a creative writing instructor in the late 1970s:  "At the beginning and, for the most part, always, my students were chiefly blocked or injured artists—painters, poets, potters, writers, filmmakers, actors, and those who simply wished to be anything more creative in their personal lives. I kept things simple because they really were. Creativity is like crabgrass—it springs back with the simplest bit of care. (p. xv)"

Among Cameron’s suggested tools is the concept of “morning pages” (p. x)—a commitment to three uninterrupted pages of stream-of-consciousness writing daily in long-hand, to help writers transcend their inner critic. She encouraged, “Remember, there is a creative energy that wants to express itself through you. . . . Don’t judge the work or yourself. You can sort it out later” (p. xv).

In Writing Down the Bones, Goldberg (1986) offered more suggestions inspired by her daily practice of meditation, including maintaining a beginner’s mind; keeping one’s hand moving without worrying about editing, spelling, or punctuation; and abandoning logic and control. Goldberg also advocated timed writing exercises, inexpensive notebooks, fast-flowing pens, and the commandment to trust first thoughts. “First thoughts are also unencumbered by ego, by that method within us that tries to be in control,” she explained (p. 9).

In Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, writer Lamott (1995) stated, “There are few experiences as depressing as that anxious, barren state known as writer’s block, where you sit staring at your blank page like a cadaver” (p. 76). Her solution is to remind herself to live as if she is dying, “because the truth is we are all terminal on this bus” (p. 179). Writer John McPhee (2013) advised struggling writers to assemble a first draft of an assigned story about a bear as if it were a letter to their mother:

What do you do? You write, ‘Dear Mother.’ And then you tell your mother about the block, the frustration, the ineptitude, the despair. You insist that you are not cut out to do this kind of work. You whine. You whimper. You outline your problem, and you mention that the bear has a fifty-five-inch waist and a neck more than thirty inches around but could run nose-to-nose with Secretariat. You say the bear prefers to lie down and rest. The bear rests fourteen hours a day. And you go on like that as long as you can. And then you go back and delete the ‘Dear Mother’ and all the whimpering and whining, and just keep the bear. (para. 1) In Hollywood, where the ability to write or create on deadline can mean the difference between career success and failure, psychotherapists Phil Stutz and Barry Michels (2012) work with writers and other creative professionals using a number of original techniques influenced by Jung as well as the flow research of psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (2008). Stutz and Michels view the shadow, a realm of the psyche identified by Jung (1951/1968) as the storehouse of repressed psychic material and personality traits, as the true source of creative flow in life, business, and art (Goodyear, 2011). In their book The Tools, Stutz and Michels (2012) teach their clients to defeat anxiety and writer’s block by first embracing this shadow and fighting procrastination—the most common problem afflicting writers in their practice—by surrendering themselves to “the archetypal Father, Chronos” (Michels, as cited in Goodyear, 2011, para. 28).

Palumbo (2000), a Los Angeles-based screenwriter, novelist, and psychotherapist specializing in creative issues, advised struggling writers first to reframe their conception of the problem. He wrote, "From my perspective, a writer who invites all of who he or she is into the mix - who sits down to work engulfed in stuff, yet doesn’t give these thoughts and feelings a negative connotation, who in fact strives to accept and integrate whatever thoughts and feelings emerge—this writer has truly gotten out of his or her way. (p. 47)

This philosophy directly parallels singer-songwriter Sting’s (2014) own self-healing solution to the writer’s block that had plagued him for 8 years: "I thought well, you know, maybe my best work wasn’t about me. . . . Maybe my best work was when I started to brighten the voices of other people or put myself in someone else’s shoes or saw the world through their eyes. And that kind of empathy is eventually what broke this—writer’s block we’ll call it. Just by sort of stopping thinking about me, my ego, and who I am, and actually saying let’s give my voice to someone else. (para. 54)" 

The effect such changes in perspective can have on creativity may also be explained neurobiologically, and I will focus on this area, in the next post. 

Wishing you courage and creativity!

Philip Ruddy, MA, Associate Marriage and Family Therapist

Philip Ruddy, MA, Associate Marriage and Family Therapist #89594, works in private practice under the supervision of Jennifer Bergman, LMFT #44775. He helps creative artists, writers, producers, directors, punks, comics, rockers and film / music professionals explore, manage and often transcend anxiety, depression, career / creative blocks, midlife transitions and relationship issues.  Call  (424) 354-3910 today for a free 15-minute consultation, and take the next step on your personal creative journey. 

Part 1 of 3: Is "Creative Block" Really a Thing?

"Well, I haven’t given poetry up, but I rather think poetry has given me up." -- Philip Larkin

by Philip Ruddy, Associate Marriage and Family Therapist

As a therapist who helps writers, comedians and film and television professionals transcend writer's block, I'm often asked by others who aren't in the industry, "What IS "writer’s block" (or creative block) anyway? And is it really a thing?"  (The unspoken subtext often being, "Isn't that just a term that starving artists, or lazy, overpaid creatives use, when they don't feel like actually working?")

"Yes," I tell them.  "It's a thing.  Really.  And no - they're not making it up to get out of work.  What they actually want more than anything, is to get BACK to work.  Only there's a brick wall (or devouring ogre, or demonic clown, or deadly quicksand, or . . . fill in the blank here), that is preventing them. "  I've worked with enough creatives who suffer from it,  to see the ugly reality of what can occur if it goes untreated for long, including anxiety, depression, job stress (or loss), marital problems, drug or alcohol abuse, and other related life crises.  If they could just get over it - trust me - they would.  

So then what IS it - exactly? 

Part of the challenge in explaining writers block is simply defining the term. For purposes of this post, let's define it simply as:  any unwanted restriction of creative output.  (Note: I use the terms writer’s block and creative block interchangeably throughout these posts.)

Although no official diagnostic category exists for this condition in the DSM-5, in Understanding Writer’s Block: A Therapist’s Guide, psychotherapist Martin Kantor (1995) proposed diagnoses of more than 10 forms of creative or writer’s blocks, including affective spectrum disorder block, obsessive-compulsive disorder block, post-traumatic stress disorder block, and addiction block, and maintained that clients’ treatment needs differ according to the source and presentation of their block. Kantor also questioned the decision by scientific experts not to include creative block in the fourth edition of the DSM (APA, 1994) while including other far less common ailments such as the fear of going outside or eating in public (Kantor, 1995, p. 4).  I must say, I find his argument compelling. 

Historically, references to writer’s block abound, and are usually traced back to mid-century psychologist Edmund Bergler (1950, 1955), who first coined the term. A Freudian by training, Bergler viewed writer’s block as a form of “psychic masochism” and “the unconscious wish to defeat one’s conscious aims” (as cited in Ghorayshi, 2012, para. 1).  He also considered it “oral masochism, entrapment in rage over the milk-denying pre-Oedipal mother” (Acocella, 2004, para. 7). American literature scholar Kevin C. Moore (2013) suggested that the broader concept of writer's block actually predates Bergler however, crediting philosopher and psychologist William James, circa 1890.  I will explore some of my own experiences and beliefs in future posts, but suffice to say for now that my leanings are closer to those of Carl Jung than the Freudians.  Whatever the origin, and however one defines the term, the fact that writers block does exist is bolstered by the legions of writers and artists who have suffered from it. 

Among the more famously afflicted were:

Leo Tolstoy, Gustave Flaubert, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Joseph Conrad, Virginia Woolf, Philip Larkin, Henry Roth, Ernest Hemingway, and F. Scott Fitzgerald (Walsh, 2008), to name a small group.  Impressive company, you say? 

Here are more:  

Novelist Henry Roth, who published his much-acclaimed book Call It Sleep, in 1934, took 60 years to complete his follow-up novel.  It was panned. (Walsh, 2008).

John Fowles (1969), best-selling author of The French Lieutenant’s Woman, spent the last 20 years of his life in seclusion, working on a follow-up to his book, which he never completed (Walsh, 2008).

Southern Gothic novelist Harper Lee (1960), was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for her book, To Kill a Mockingbird, and spent the rest of her life working on a second novel while simultaneously insisting she had nothing more to say (Toohey, 2011).

In his book, The Courage to Write, Ralph Keyes (2003) described the life of beloved children’s book author E. B. White, who, despite having written the best-selling classics Stuart Little (1945) and Charlotte’s Web (1952) and winning The Presidential Medal of freedom, the National Medal for Literature, and the Pulitzer Prize (Mitgang, 1985), once told his friend and fellow author James Thurber that he “considered himself the second most inactive writer living, and the third most discouraged” (Acocella, 2004, p. 4).

New Yorker staff writer Joseph Mitchell published an acclaimed story entitled “Joe Gould’s Secret” for the magazine in 1964 and then faithfully reported to his office for the next 32 years, where he sat, allegedly typing, but never completing another assignment (Overbey, 2013).

In 2008, Britain’s former poet laureate Andrew Motion revealed that despite years of previous creative productivity, once he received his illustrious appointment, he found himself unable to complete any poetry of significance whatsoever.  Can you imagine how that must have felt?  (Walsh, 2008).

More recently, in an interview regarding his recent TED talk “How Do You Get Over Writer's Block?” acclaimed singer-songwriter Sting (2014) revealed that after an enviably long career in which he wrote and performed dozens of hit songs and sold millions of albums, his creative muse suddenly abandoned him for almost a decade. Like others before him, he searched for spiritual and psychological insights to understand "Why?" He asked, "What have I done to offend the gods that they would abandon me so? Is this gift of songwriting taken away as easily as it seems to have been bestowed? Or perhaps, there’s a more, deeper psychological reason. It was always a Faustian pact anyway. You’re rewarded for revealing your innermost thoughts—your private emotions on the page for the entertainment of others—for the analysis, the scrutiny of others. And perhaps you’ve given enough of your privacy away." (para. 52)  

This question, “What have I done to cause this, and what can I do to restore myself?” plagues everyone with on-going creative blocks, and a cornucopia of treatment ideas have been suggested and explored over the years.  In the next post, I will explore some, as well as some of my own experiences regarding its origins, and ways that, with intention and practice, one may finally begin to heal and find relief. 

Wishing you courage and creativity!

Philip Ruddy, MA, Associate Marriage and Family Therapist

Philip Ruddy, MA, LMFT, works in private practice and helps creative artists, writers, producers, directors, punks, comics, rockers and film / music professionals explore, manage and often transcend anxiety, depression, career / creative blocks, midlife transitions and relationship issues.  Call  (424) 354-3910 today for a free 15-minute consultation, and take the next step on your personal creative journey.

Did Metallica’s Lead Singer Really Earn a Ph.D. In Astrophysics In His 50's?

 Image by Pete Linforth / CC License 2.0

by Philip Ruddy, MA, LMFT

A friend recently forwarded me a news story about the lead singer of heavy metal band Metallica's James Hetfield, who the article declared, at the age of 52, had just achieved his secret, life-long goal of earning a Ph.D. in Astrophysics, 

The article quickly circulated around social media, with many fans and readers expressing surprise, congratulations, and in some quarters, sheer disbelief.

It turns out, the article was purely satire — and untrue.  But, I wondered why the concept was presumably funny for many to imagine.  Is it really so hard to accept that someone in middle age might secretly have a passion for something seemingly contrary to their outward, public persona?  The humor of the piece is based upon the idea that a seemingly rough and tumble guy like James Hetfield would never really do such a thing.  Yet, I know from my own work with clients, that middle-age is a time where we often do ask ourselves the big questions, and take more risks, including pursuing our as yet unexplored personal goals. 

As a Los Angeles-based depth psychotherapist,  I myself chose to re-direct the course of my life and career toward the field of therapy in my 40’s — after working for almost 20 years in film and television production.  That transition was not always easy, and I could not have done it without the support and encouragement of many others, but the decision brought a range of joy and fulfillment into my life that I never could have imagined when I was younger, and there is not a single day where I regret my choice to do an honest inventory, gather my courage, and take action.

Many of my clients now come to me because they are going through similar life transitions, asking how they might focus, or perhaps re-focus, their lives and career in a manner that has more personal meaning for them.  The opportunity to work with them is deeply meaningful for me, and provides a satisfying bridge from my past career to my present. 

Psychologist Eric Erikson, best known for his pioneering work on the stages of human development, looked at the fundamental opportunity of Midlife (age 40-65) as a choice between Generativity vs. Stagnation.  

Choosing the path of Generativity includes looking inwardly to identify our integral personal values and goals, and then moving outwardly to productively connect and share these values with our friends, family, and community — giving something of value to the next generation. 

Choosing the path of Stagnation means avoiding opportunities for inner reflection, personal growth, meaningful productivity, and deeper connection to the people in our lives and community.

The truth is, we as humans do make radical and surprising changes in mid-life, every day. 

James Hetfield may not have gone back to school, but rock guitar legend Brian May, of the band Queen actually did earn a Ph.D. in Astrophysics from the Imperial College London in 2007, completing studies which he had started decades earlier, prior to becoming a professional musician. 

Similarly, punk rock icon Greg Graffin, lead singer and songwriter for Bad Religion earned a Ph.D. in Zoology from Cornell, published two books on science and math, and teaches paleontology at UCLA  

Truth can be stranger than fiction. 

For many of us, this period of midlife is incredibly rich and exciting.  A time in which we have enough life experience to have gained a little wisdom and perspective — and with luck, enough energy to re-direct ourselves in a manner that’s more in alignment with our inner compass.

I invite you to reflect upon where you are in your own life and consider Erikson’s simple question:  Generativity?  Or Stagnation? 

No matter where we are in life, every moment of every day provides us with new choices and new opportunities. And if there is anything I’ve learned from my own journey — and the journeys of so many of my clients, it is this simple phrase:  

It is never too late to start.  

Philip Ruddy, MA, LMFT, works in private practice and helps creative artists, writers, producers, directors, punks, comics, rockers and film / music professionals explore, manage and often transcend anxiety, depression, career / creative blocks, midlife transitions and relationship issues.  Call  (424) 354-3910 today for a free 15-minute consultation, and take the next step on your personal creative journey.

Sources:

Erikson. Erik H. and Joan M. (1997) The Life Cycle Completed: Extended Version. New York: W. W. NortonImage "Rock Guitar Heavy Metal Guitarist" licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License.  It is attributed to Pete Linforth. The original version can be found here.

Slater, C.L. (2003). Generativity versus stagnation: An elaboration of Erikson's adult stage of human development. Journal of Adult Development 10, 53-65.

https://www.verywell.com/generativity-versus-stagnation-2795734

https://www.quora.com/Did-James-Hetfield-really-earn-a-PhD-in-astrophysics

Image: "Rock Guitar Heavy Metal Guitarist" created by Pete Linforth.  Llicensed under Creative Commons 2.0.  Original version can be found here.

A Stunning Short Story About the Therapeutic Journey

by Philip Ruddy, MA, LMFT

L.A. short fiction author Charles Yu has a stunning new story in the New Yorker.  It's called Fable, and truly captures the beauty & mysteries of depth therapy work. You can find it here:   http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/05/30/fable-by-charles-yu

Philip Ruddy, MA, LMFT #107495,works in private practice and helps creative artists, writers, producers, directors, punks, comics, rockers and film / music professionals explore, manage and often transcend anxiety, depression, career / creative blocks, midlife transitions and relationship issues.  Call  (424) 354-3910 today for a free 15-minute consultation, and take the next step on your personal creative journey. 

Are you Struggling with Creative Blocks? Your Creative Push Podcast: Interview with L.A. Therapist Philip Ruddy

by Philip Ruddy, MA, LMFT

Are you a creative struggling with blocks, anxiety, depression or relationship issues?  Does it feel at times like you will never break through?  That you should simply quit writing, painting, doing comedy, or working on your album or film?  My recent appearance on Youngman Brown's Your Creative Push podcast, is now available for streaming below.  In these free episodes, I offer tips on transcending your creative blocks, and facing your inner critic or shadow, using a technique called Active Imagination.  Youngman Brown tried the methods himself after our conversation, and says he rapidly achieved new insights into his own blocks. So gratifying to hear that!

Listen to Part 1

Listen to Part 2

Please share these links with anyone in your creative circle struggling to break through.  Thanks!  I wish you continued success on your creative journey.

Kind regards,

 Philip Ruddy

Philip Ruddy, MA, LMFT #107495 works in private practice in Los Angeles and helps creative artists, writers, producers, directors, punks, comics, rockers and film / music professionals explore, manage and often transcend anxiety, depression, career / creative blocks, midlife transitions and relationship issues.  Call  (424) 354-3910 today for a free 15-minute consultation, and take the next step on your personal creative journey.

"Befriending Writer's Block" - Interview with Creative Screenwriting magazine

by Philip Ruddy, MA, LMFT

Are you a screenwriter struggling with creative blocks, anxiety, depression or relationship issues? Click HERE to read my recent interview with Creative Screenwriting magazine about my work with industry creatives just like you.  Learn how  to "befriend and transcend" your blocks. Develop Active Imagination techniques to create a transformative dialogue with your personal shadow or inner critic and break free of your self-imposed limits. Please share this article with anyone in your creative circle, who yearns to be more productive and more fulfilled in their creative work.  I wish you continued inspiration and flow in all your creative endeavors this month. 

kind regards,

Philip Ruddy, MA, LMFT

Philip Ruddy, MA, LMFT  #107495 works in private practice under the supervision of Jennifer Bergman, LMFT #44775. He helps creative artists, writers, producers, directors, punks, comics, rockers and film / music professionals explore and and master tools to transcend anxiety, depression, career / creative blocks, midlife transitions and relationship issues.  Call  (424) 354-3910 today for a free 15-minute consultation, and take the next step on your personal creative journey.